I’ve been looking at a lot of manuscripts, lately. I notice that, while some authors have a knack for moving the reader along and helping the reader stay hooked into the story, others tend to drop the ball in this area. They’ll take the reader only so far and then lose them in an awkward sentence or forget to make a bridge to the next thought, statement or activity.
Here’s an example of what I mean:
The wind came up, so Beth quickly took the red bandana from the handle of the picnic basket she was carrying and placed it over her head.
What visual do you get? In your mind is the bandana suspended above Beth’s head? Wouldn’t it be better if she actually tied it around her head?
Here’s another one:
The colt kicked out with his left hind leg, his hoof catching Jake by surprise. Jake picked himself up and took a sip of well water.
In your story, shouldn’t Jake struggle a bit to get up. Maybe he would even slam against the wall before melting into the hay covered ground. And how did he get the water? Don’t you want to know? Wouldn’t you feel more a part of the story if you were walked over to the well where Jake took the dipper from the bucket and scooped out the water he eventually sipped?
How about this one:
Tessa booted Boots off of her lap before sitting down at the kitchen table for dinner.
Huh? Now how is that possible? I think that Tessa has to stand up after pushing Boots off of her lap and walk into the kitchen before she can sit down at the table, right?
Make sure that you don’t drop the ball in your well-crafted stories. It is your responsibility as an author to grab the reader and then hold his interest by guiding him/her through every scene, action, act and activity. It is your job to move the reader along through your choice of words and phrases.
Here’s a tip for doing that. Scrutinize your manuscript from the reader’s point of view. Examine each word in every sentence. Determine, does it move the story or halt the story? Do you need to add a word or two or remove words?
Never leave your reader behind or you may end up with a manuscript you can’t sell.
For more about self-editing read Chapter 9 in The Right Way to Write, Publish and Sell Your Book. http://www.matilijapress.com/rightway.html