Ahhhh, communication… Humans definitely have the edge when it comes to succinct, concise, clear, lucid, on-target communication, right? After all, we have so many modes of communication available to us. We can text, fax, email, chat, blog, videotape, record and speak in real time via cell or computer from anywhere at any time. We can even talk face-to-face, although, this style of conversation seems to be going obsolete. So why haven’t our communication skills improved? Why are we still missing the mark in our attempts to share our thoughts, pass along instructions, make a point, teach and inform? I see our promotional attempts fail. Simple comments are misconstrued. Written or spoken information and instructions often lack clarity. Are you noticing this in your business and personal dealings?
Have you had misunderstandings with friends or colleagues even though you attempted to discuss the situation via email, through texting and even by phone? Are the information bites you receive from your managers and coworkers sometimes confusing? If you’re like many Americans, you probably even sometimes have trouble communicating successfully with loved ones and friends.
So what makes communication so difficult in this Communication Age? Several things contribute:
• We’re an international community. Not only do we communicate with people in other countries quite frequently, many of our colleagues, friends and neighbors speak English as their second language. For the past few years, about 1/4 of my clients were from other countries and they hired me to Americanize their book manuscripts before they approached publishers.
• As Americans, we are becoming more and more colloquial in our way of communicating. We take shortcuts in the way we speak and write and we just assume that others will get it. Many people neglect to use capitalization in their emails and text messages; some shorten words or use acronyms. It has become common and accepted to use U in place of you, R in place of are and so forth. I often receive emails and manuscripts from people who can’t write clear thoughts or clarify concepts. They have large vocabularies, they use an abundance of words, but they have trouble presenting a clear and concise sentence or thought.
• We’re lazy communicators. We are not taught the fine points of communication growing up (clarity and give and take) and many of us miss the mark when attempting to share something or learn something. We don’t know how to get our point across and we don’t know how to listen. For example, it is typical for us to read or hear an evaluation of our manuscript, and take away just one things—usually something negative. How many times have you been guilty of this?
Let’s say that you receive a review of your book or a rejection letter from a magazine editor. The entire review or letter is quite complimentary. Oh my, the writer tells you what a brilliant piece this is, that it is well-written and clever. She goes on to say that this could be a major contribution to humanity and that there is only one thing she would criticize. She would prefer that the book or article was written in third person rather than first. So what are you going to focus on? Yup, that single, obviously one-person’s opinion critique.
• The Technology/Communication Age has brought with it a new brand of communication—abbreviations. We are learning to speak in symbols and acronyms instead of real words, phrases and sentences. Only those trained in such language can understand these messages.
• Even with all of the opportunities for communication, some of us still tend to withhold. Is this a personality trait or, perhaps, flaw? There seem to be the communicators among us—those who are constantly putting themselves out there verbally. These people are in perpetual communication with family members via cell and text. They may over-explain things to clients and colleagues and overload them with material and information. The constant communicator may be as ineffective as the non-communicator because no one, today, has the time or inclination to read such large volumes of continuous blather.
At the other end of the spectrum, of course, are the non-communicators. These people give as little as possible. I guess they don’t stay as connected to their means of communication as the communicator, for they do not respond to emails or phone calls even when they have requested something from you. The non-communicator may want to get a point across, pass along some information, get some support or collaborate on a project, but he or she provides such minimal data, that you aren’t clear as to what he or she wants. I get emails like this and it sometimes takes 2 or 3 attempts on my part to draw out of this person what they are trying to say, ask, share…
Do you see yourself in any of my examples? Where do you fit in? Where could you improve in your communication techniques or habits? I tend to be the over-communicator, myself. Those of you who know me well would probably agree. I strive to be more succinct in my communication. How about you? Can you see areas where you can improve in your communication skills?
If you’re interested in this topic, visit my website and read my articles on public speaking and communication. You might find this article useful: The 10 Steps to Becoming a Better Conversationalist.
http://www.matilijapress.com/articles/10stepstoconversation.htm
In the next blog entry, I may reveal what initiated this post.